Wow, is this praying supposed to get easier or harder? I was not able to pray for 3hrs on Tuesday because I had a paper to hand in and my phone was not charged and my alarm did not go on. But I think the real reason was that I pushed my self too hard and so I was not willing to get up to pray. I woke up during the night, even though I did not know what time it was, I could have gotten up, but the idea of praying for 3hrs was just too much to handle. You know, to be totally submitted to God, takes more than just speaking. Sometimes one really needs to push beyond the comfort zone.
Today was great, spent a good time praying but not at night. I prayed in the afternoon between 12:30 and 3:30pm. The more I pray, the more I feel that there is nothing I can do to bring the power of God down. It looks almost as if God just decides to move when God wants to. I am getting so aware of my weaknesses and I am coming to realise that no human being can actually fulfill the condition for God’s approval. It’s all by grace. Even my hunger for more of God, seems to be coming from God. Wow, this stuff can get really deep. I am learning that the best thing for anyone to do is to humble oneself before the Lord and just wait on God.
I usually work on my afropages.ca website after 5.00pm everyday. It’s my hobby, I enjoy adding new materials, I enjoy the fact that I am gradually creating a portal through which new comers to montreal can access the African community.
I have been wondering all day how open one can be on a blog. I still am not sure so I won’t tell you the details about our finances for now. However, I must say that we missed one of our payments yesterday and the money is yet to manifest. I think I need to share some of this so that my readers can appreciate the process of living by faith and trusting God for one’s finances while working full time (30 – 40hrs) as a pastor. See my initial post on living by faith.
I do not have any doubt that God is in control of our finances. I do not have any doubt that God will continue to provide. But I must tell you that, sometimes the enemy tries to tempt me with questions about how wise it is to choose to live by faith and not burden the church. My conviction is that God is my employer. God should make the money available and as long as I am faithful, God is always faithful. This time of waiting and not having, and being embarassed is not easy. I place my life in God’s hands.
I wonder if anyone takes the time to read my rantings. If you do, I hope you are being blessed.